SORRY. MOON NOT BEAUTIFUL
A Meat-Based Man Who Was Not Turned On By The Latest Sports Illustrated Swimsuit Issue, And More Of This Week's 'One Main Character'
Every day somebody says or does something that earns them the scorn of the internet. Here at Digg, as part of our mission to curate what the internet is talking about right now, we rounded up the main characters on Twitter from this past week and held them accountable for their actions.
Each day on twitter there is one main character. The goal is to never be it
— maple cocaine (@maplecocaine) January 3, 2019
This week's characters include a writer who doesn't think we as a culture should do Father's Day this year, an astrophysicist who doesn't want you to think the moon is cool, a YouTuber who doesn't understand abortion, a meat-based man who was not turned on by the latest Sports Illustrated swimsuit issue and a guy furious that he couldn't get peanuts on a flight.
Saturday
Emily Gould
The character: Emily Gould, novelist, bookseller, former Gawker editor made infamous by a calamitous interview with Jimmy Kimmel and Father’s Day abolitionist
The plot: On Saturday, Gould went scorched earth on America’s holiday honoring fatherhood, asking incredulously if Father’s Day was still happening in 2022, tweeting, “I love my dad and I love my kids’ dad but I gotta ask… are we… as a culture… Father’s Day… are we really doing that, this year??”
I love my dad and I love my kids’ dad but I gotta ask … are we … as a culture … Father’s Day … are we really doing that, this year??
— Emily Gould (@EmilyGould) May 14, 2022
The repercussion: Gould’s stance against Father’s Day went viral proving decidedly unpopular with netizens on both sides of the aisle, as her suggestion to cancel the holiday this year got ratioed into oblivion. Many people, especially those with single fathers, asserted that good paternal figures deserved a day to be recognized.
Respectfully, maybe rethink this one? 🥴😬
— Shrew-Anon (@EssArrBee) May 14, 2022
Lots of great dads out there. My mom died when I was a kid. I happily celebrate my (awesome) dad every year.
If it’s one thing our culture should be doing is intentionally celebrating and showing good dads that we are grateful for them.
— Write Girl Problems (@WriteGrlProbs) May 15, 2022
*Not just daily,* but on special days too. https://t.co/PdJWZTlsPj
We need to celebrate good Dads … as a culture … this and every year. https://t.co/1EcMFEhOea
— Fusilli Spock (@awstar11) May 15, 2022
I’m completely baffled as to why we wouldn’t. This will be my husband’s first Father’s Day without his father and I’m moving my dad into an assisted living as we speak. I’m celebrating the heck out of Father’s Day this year. https://t.co/eTeqWi4cLQ
— Jill (@skoljille) May 14, 2022
This is a sad tweet. My daughters love their father ( my husband) and we are grateful for him. I am happy to celebrate him as I also celebrate my father as I'm grateful he's still with us. Some people aren't so lucky. When did people get so jaded and ugly? @Saikmedi https://t.co/EafRV7muoW
— Megan Martin MD, MPH (@Megmd514) May 15, 2022
*checks calendar*
— Trina aka Lasso 🐺 (@TheLasso0fTruth) May 15, 2022
Yup, there it is. Father's Day. Looks like we're "really doing that this year." https://t.co/BYzf84c01y
Yep. Dads are great, and you never know how many years you have left. https://t.co/IVzPBtYW2F
— Sarah 🥨 (@cosmopterix) May 15, 2022
I'm baffled.
— Shukri Abdirahman (@ShuForCongress) May 15, 2022
Somebody tell me what's wrong with having a Father's Day? https://t.co/KplN7UnvF0
You ask this, yet you disable comments? Curious. https://t.co/7oZ0nmznS5
— witch of the midwest (@Ope_sneakpastya) May 15, 2022
Folks, there is always a main character on Twitter. Your goal each and every day is to not be that main character. This lady did not read said goal prior to this tweet. https://t.co/SdgXynXGaD
— Christian Sykes (@ctsykes13) May 17, 2022
Gould doubled down on her anti-Father’s Day hot take, claiming the “greeting card holiday” was invented by the daughter of a Confederate soldier.
woof I really underestimated the amount that some people revere the sanctity of a greeting card holiday invented in 1910 by the daughter of a Confederate soldier 🤢
— Emily Gould (@EmilyGould) May 14, 2022
Ed note: The origin of Father’s Day is a little more complicated than Gould’s flippant tweet would imply.
Sonora Smart Dodd, the woman responsible for Father’s Day in the United States, was inspired to suggest the holiday after listening to a Mother’s Day sermon with her father at the Central Methodist Church. Dodd felt her dad who had raised her and five younger brothers alone also deserved some recognition. And while her father may have initially been a Confederate soldier, he later changed ranks, and enlisted as a Union soldier.
James Crugnale
Monday
Neil deGrasse Tyson
The character: Neil deGrasse Tyson, astrophysicist, giant bummer
The plot: To kick the week off right, Neil deGrasse Tyson ruined Sunday night’s beautiful lunar eclipse for everybody by tweeting about how “un-spectacular” it was. I wrote about deGrasse Tyson’s penchant for bumming everybody out shortly thereafter, but I am forced to include him here, too, in the week’s roundup of tweets that blighted the internet.
Lunar eclipses are so un-spectacular that if nobody told you what was happening to the Moon you’d probably not notice at all.
— Neil deGrasse Tyson (@neiltyson) May 16, 2022
Just sayin’.
The repercussion: All things considered, deGrasse Tyson’s tweet was, while obnoxious, generally benign compared the main characters that follow below. Still, it must be noted that Twitter did not take kindly to the astrophysicist’s attempt to strip us of the humble joy that nature deigned to grace us with.
Personally, I’ve got qualms with the whole “let people enjoy things” sentiment — because, let’s be real, some things suck and liking them is stupid. But in this case, I am truly begging Neil to let people enjoy the freaking moon.
Tyson was literally handpicked by Carl Sagan to be his successor as ambassador of astronomy to the masses & he has continuously shit on laypeople for expressing wonder & interest at what he considers routine cosmological events
— Bootystar Galactica OF/FansIy! (@Bootystar_G) May 16, 2022
How he could have fucked this up more, I can't say https://t.co/Eood1HyBqS
[professional astronomy communicator voice] stop looking at cool things in the sky. you imbeciles. you fucking morons https://t.co/xi8oo3RIRm
— ukrainian grinch milf enjoyer (@nomiddlesliders) May 17, 2022
Dean Martin: 🎵 When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza p-
— Bison 'Guy Kelly' Sexhorn Twitch.tv/Brainmage (@Brainmage) May 16, 2022
Neil deGrasse Tyson, through cupped hands: COULDN'T HAPPEN
People out stargazing, someone absently gasps: "Wow! Look at the stars! There must be HUNDREDS of them!"
— Sam Sykes (@SamSykesSwears) May 16, 2022
Neil Degrasse Tyson slowly emerges from the bushes, unsheathes his katana
Neil deGrasse Tyson when someone finds wonder and awe in observing the world we live in https://t.co/zfxM3vOmWh pic.twitter.com/L5tHKs4Wca
— JoJira 🦖 (@Goji_Saurus) May 16, 2022
The only energy vampire more powerful than Colin Robinson is Neil deGrasse Tyson
— aspiring gay disaster pirate 🌈 (@sharkespearean) May 16, 2022
neil degrasse tyson: hi beautiful
— slate (@PleaseBeGneiss) May 16, 2022
the moon:
neil degrasse tyson: heyyy
the moon:
neil degrasse tyson: ur space trash. ugly
George Baily: What is it you want, Mary? What do you want? You want the moon? Just say the word and I'll throw a lasso around it and pull it down.
— J.R.R. Jokin (@joshcarlosjosh) May 16, 2022
Neil deGrasse Tyson: *throws arms in air and storms out of theater*
i just love the full moon. 5 years ago, i was about to end it all. then i looked to the sky and realized i don’t want to miss that.
— katie (@skatie420) May 16, 2022
[Neil deGrasse Tyson crawls through my window] Actually, the moon does not care about you and someday you will die, perhaps by suicide.
I like to think that humans have always, even thousands of years ago, looked at the moon, stars, and even eclipses, with wonder and awe.
— Harli Kane 🐈⬛💋 (@harlihero) May 17, 2022
(Even if no one told them to look up) 🤷🏻♀️ https://t.co/LZS7OT1vOi
Neil deGrasse Tyson more like Need de Grasse Touching
— Kai (@kamilumin) May 16, 2022
Molly Bradley
Tim Pool
The character: Tim Pool, YouTuber, “journalist,” “disaffected liberal,” “commentator” (these terms are his own, from his Twitter bio)
The plot: The main characters just kept on coming Monday as Tim Pool decided to craft a tweet so dumb it almost doesn’t merit covering here.
Pool decided to toss a wildly unrealistic scenario about abortion into the cesspool of Twitter in order to ask, essentially, “What then, huh?”
What happens if a woman is on the way to get an abortion at 8 months but goes into labor in the lobby of the abortion clinic and accidentally delivers the baby before it could be terminated
— Tim Pool (@Timcast) May 16, 2022
The repercussion: People rightfully got on Pool’s case about his tweet that seemed to make the extraordinarily bad-faith assumption that people who are pro-abortion are so eager to abort that, in response to this question, they would have to… admit that they would kill a baby that was carried to term and born?? Cool “gotcha” that has absolutely nothing to do with abortion, Tim!
The bulk of the responses parodied the nonsensical quality of Pool’s own tweet.
— 𝐒𝐚𝐬𝐡𝐚🔪 (@tinywienerbabe) May 16, 2022
What if there was no rule specifically baring a dog from playing basketball????
— Kiko (@GusanoFailSon) May 16, 2022
what happens if principal skinner and mrs krabappel were in the closet making babies and i saw one of the babies and the baby looked at me
— steviebaby 🫠 (@wolverhamp10) May 16, 2022
What if Yoda got Jar Jar Binks pregnant?
— Mr. Tarnished Doo Doo Pants (@MrShidded) May 16, 2022
what if when you poopoo you also do a little peepee
— transgender marx (@JUNlPER) May 16, 2022
What if the baby was baby hitler
— James Felton (@JimMFelton) May 17, 2022
as a doctor i can confirm this happens very frequently. when it does happen, everyone is required to just ignore the baby (i.e. pretend like a baby did not accidentally come out). doctors at the clinic are trained to simply work around it https://t.co/lKI8H85Qga
— Rajat Suresh (@rajat_suresh) May 16, 2022
Molly Bradley
Jordan Peterson
The character: Jordan Peterson, right-wing carnivore, psychologist, author, YouTuber (that’s all I’ll say here; Google if you’re lucky enough to not know him)
The plot: On Monday, for absolutely no reason at all, Peterson quote-tweeted an image of model Yumi Nu on the cover of Sports Illustrated Swimsuit, writing: “Sorry. Not beautiful. And no amount of authoritarian tolerance is going to change that.”
Sorry. Not beautiful. And no amount of authoritarian tolerance is going to change that. https://t.co/rOASeeQvee
— Dr Jordan B Peterson (@jordanbpeterson) May 16, 2022
Nu is the magazine’s first-ever Asian curve cover model.
The repercussion: Peterson’s tweet has since racked up over 10,500 quote tweets and many, many replies. While the odd freak sided with the author in his criticism of a random (and objectively gorgeous) woman, most people wasted no time ensuring he’d been thoroughly roasted.
Sorry. Not beautiful. And no amount of authoritarian tolerance is going to change that pic.twitter.com/XGIk7b1kLu
— hasanabi (@hasanthehun) May 16, 2022
Ratio + ur Ugly + whip + foolish in the background pic.twitter.com/cGaS9qXQiY
— karl :) (@KarlJacobs_) May 16, 2022
honestly this took a lot of confidence to tweet considering your face, I appreciate that
— Sana Saeed (@SanaSaeed) May 17, 2022
Jordan Peterson really hopped on the timeline at his geriatric skeletor age to declare “No Fat Chicks” like somebody is supposed to care about the individual sexual preferences of a nearly fossilized man https://t.co/T2OqqSThQZ
— Reaux @ The Female Dating Strategy (@Reaux_FDS) May 16, 2022
You wouldn't even know what to do with her.
— Jeff Fecke (@jkfecke) May 16, 2022
"I'm Jordan Peterson and I demand to be the biggest boob and ass in the room."
— Ana Kasparian (@AnaKasparian) May 16, 2022
But Jordan, you look like a lizard that perished in a tub of old yogurt.
— A.R. Moxon (@JuliusGoat) May 16, 2022
Even Yumi Nu herself had a few (of Nicki Minaj’s) words for Peterson.
@_yumi_nu anyways…
♬ Itty Bitty Piggy - Nicki Minaj - spencer goulding
Within hours of the backlash, Peterson announced he’d be stepping away from Twitter, writing that returning to the platform had seen his life get “worse again almost instantly.”
I recently stopped accessing Twitter for three weeks as an experiment. I had some of my staff post video links etc. It was a genuine relief. I started to read & write more. I started using it again, a few days ago, and I would say that my life got worse again almost instantly.
— Dr Jordan B Peterson (@jordanbpeterson) May 17, 2022
He also lamented “the endless flood of vicious insult” that takes place on Twitter — ironic, given that this whole thing started with Peterson needlessly insulting a woman on the internet.
The endless flood of vicious insult is really not something that can be experienced anywhere else. I like to follow the people I know but I think the incentive structure of the platform makes it intrinsically and dangerously insane. https://t.co/NlWTUKRHlG
— Dr Jordan B Peterson (@jordanbpeterson) May 17, 2022
And I plan to write an article on the technical reasons that Twitter is maddening us all very soon. Bye for now. https://t.co/naJnLabtqz
— Dr Jordan B Peterson (@jordanbpeterson) May 17, 2022
Unsurprisingly, people had things to say about Peterson’s inability to take what he dishes out.
there's something so distinctively peterson about needlessly calling some random actual woman ugly under the bullshit guise of intellectual concern for the west and authoritarianism, and then whining about how people online are being mean to him pic.twitter.com/bSJkUe6cZ1
— Big Joel (@biggestjoel) May 17, 2022
Jordan Peterson is quitting Twitter because he tried to fat shame a cover model and his mentions got too hot to handle. lmaooo what a hero
— Sophia Tesfaye (@SophiaTesfaye) May 17, 2022
Heh. Jordan Peterson took the time to share he didn't find a cover model attractive, doubled down, and then threw a tantrum and left Twitter when people pointed out that his glass house is very very glassy? Perfection.
— roxane gay (@rgay) May 17, 2022
Social media is indeed a vicious place. Here’s an example: https://t.co/SFfd5ORusX
— Ryan Bruno (@RyanBruno7287) May 17, 2022
Nice that you're leaving Twitter because it's too mean after spewing some hate yourself before ducking out the door. You need to take some time off and get your shit together, hypocrite. https://t.co/2cCqxPPdJD
— Ivy Malise ⭕️ (@JDoza1) May 17, 2022
Some sad news: despite promising us his departure from Twitter just three days ago, Peterson continues to tweet.
jordan peterson called a sports illustrated model ugly on here and then a bunch of people made fun of him and then he posted like a hundred times about how twitter is toxic and said he was quitting twitter and instead kept posting. so basically to me he's like socrates,
— leon (@leyawn) May 17, 2022
Darcy Jimenez
Tuesday
Bret Weinstein
The character: Bret Weinstein, Intellectual Dark Web guy, airplane snack enjoyer, peanut fan
The plot: Were you on Bret’s recent flight? The guy who resigned from Evergreen State College and churns out hot takes worse than last-minute, hacked freshman assignments was mad because he was denied nuts on a plane.
“We’re being denied nuts on this flight because we have a passenger onboard with a nut allergy,” he tweeted. “Also, we’re asked not to consume any nuts we may have brought on board and not to force anyone else to consume nuts, even if we believe they’re capable of digesting them safely.”
We’re being denied nuts on this flight because we have a passenger onboard with a nut allergy. Also, we’re asked not to consume any nuts we may have brought on board and not to force anyone else to consume nuts, even if we believe they’re capable of digesting them safely.
— Bret Weinstein (@BretWeinstein) May 18, 2022
🔩
I’ve flown maybe twice or thrice in the past couple of years and don’t remember getting peanuts. Biscuits or pretzels usually come through, but it’s been a while since I’ve seen peanuts being given out on a plane. Either way, I’m no health expert, but serving and eating peanuts when someone could turn out allergic in the same space can easily be avoided. Otherwise, just fly private and eat whatever you want.
The repercussion: Weinstein's complaint that he was being deprived nuts because of a passenger's allergy was not received well
Sorry you had to think about someone else for a few minutes
— Linden Hills Key Party (@velour_shirt) May 18, 2022
This is appalling!! It is your god given right to murder someone for a yummy tum tum!! Thank you for telling us about this, you seem brave and not at all like a pathetic little mush brain!! All you want is your constitutionally sacred nummies!
— maura quint (@behindyourback) May 18, 2022
— Parker Molloy (@ParkerMolloy) May 18, 2022
Damn dude, I'm sorry this minor inconvenience that any normal adult would easily be able to deal with without complaint is happening to you.
— David Roth (@david_j_roth) May 18, 2022
if they banned nuts onboard how the heck did you get on
— the kind of guy who would never say that (@ChrisCaesar) May 18, 2022
thoughts and prayers to this guy who had to go two hours without eating a walnut https://t.co/ArkOACDhYp
— Fred Delicious (@Fred_Delicious) May 18, 2022
pro life except when it comes to my nuts https://t.co/KOAsJXQFQP
— Shiv Ramdas Traing To Rite Buk (@nameshiv) May 18, 2022
Big brain’d Bret finally came around and said sorry.
Just landed and discovered my error. To those with a nut or other dangerous allergy —and to you only—I apologize for my insensitive tweet. I did not realize their was an airborne aspect to this obviously extremely serious condition. You certainly have my sympathy.
— Bret Weinstein (@BretWeinstein) May 18, 2022
Adwait Patil
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Read the previous edition of our One Main Character column, which included a guy who couldn’t get a new dishwasher because of socialism, somehow, and more.
Did we miss a main character from this week? Please send tips to [email protected].