PLEASE GET OFF MY PORCH
A VC With A Very Bad Networking Idea, And More Of This Week's 'One Main Character'
Every day somebody says or does something that earns them the scorn of the internet. Here at Digg, as part of our mission to curate what the internet is talking about right now, we rounded up the main characters on Twitter from this past week and held them accountable for their actions.
Each day on twitter there is one main character. The goal is to never be it
— maple cocaine (@maplecocaine) January 3, 2019
This week's characters include a VC with a very bad networking idea, a guy who thinks people in their thirties should not enjoy live music, a woman irate that “Fire Island” doesn’t pass the Bechdel test, a guy whose fantasy about the future of blockchain gaming made everyone cringe and rich people getting their kicks from “bumps” of fish eggs.
Friday
Sahil Bloom
The character: Sahil Bloom, VC-type guy, bad coffee shop patron, a human LinkedIn post
The plot: Bloom started off the weekend with a bang. A former college athlete and now investor/entrepreneur-type dude, who has a terribly annoying website, published a decent sized Twitter thread about hustle, and how if you’re between the age of 16 and 24, he had an idea.
“Next Saturday morning, put on a button down shirt and grab a notebook and pen. Go to a local coffee shop and buy a big jug of coffee. Take 10 disposable cups and some creamer. Pick a nearby nice-ish neighborhood and head there,” Bloom began.
Pick a house and ring the doorbell.
— Sahil Bloom (@SahilBloom) June 5, 2022
If someone answers, say something like:
“Good morning! I’m [Name]. I’m [Age] and I’m trying to learn more about different careers. Would you mind if I took 10 minutes of your time over a coffee and asked you a few questions about your work?”
TL;DR Bloom went on to describe how one should go to people’s houses, hit their door and ask for advice after offering them some second-hand coffee.
He said this was a hybrid type of mentorship and networking experience, and it took the Internet one hour of bullying to get him to add an asterisk to the thread.
The repercussion: People were quick to point out how Bloom’s absurd strategy would result in a lot of friction if executed by various added layers, like different neighborhoods, cities and more when looking at the bigger picture.
“Good morning! I’m [Name]. I’m [Age] and I’m trying to learn more about different careers. Would you mind if I took 10 minutes of your time over a coffee and asked you a few questions about your work?” https://t.co/kn5BuWKqL9 pic.twitter.com/KXcFXRy1jM
— latina mishima (@ascensionpost) June 7, 2022
This advice feels like a Joker origin story. https://t.co/ix5In2GIrv
— Murtaza Hussain (@MazMHussain) June 9, 2022
This is hilariously dangerous advice https://t.co/ZNt4Y1PQMu
— Mr. Chau (@Srirachachau) June 6, 2022
Bruh... He said walk around a nice neighborhood knocking on doors and ask ppl about their jobs...
— Vida 🌟 AKA Podcast Bae 🎙️🎧 (@LifeStarMedia) June 7, 2022
Just imagine a black teen/young adult walking around a nice neighborhood knocking on doors to ask info about their job...
How long you think before cops pull up? https://t.co/utAUlcfZfi
*Results may vary based on skin color https://t.co/co5ZV5tncz
— Say (@SayJ96) June 6, 2022
I’m laughing about some poor kid doing this at my house and then just getting traumatized by a 9 hour tirade about East Coast media business practices and the podcast business https://t.co/qPgnObRBbk
— The Baller of the First Sin (@ByYourLogic) June 8, 2022
Now what should they do if 80% of the people answer like this? https://t.co/K7tJE5OSbz pic.twitter.com/j6RY5Ho6gj
— Juneteenth Joy™ (@wattsupkiki) June 7, 2022
Bloom’s response to the backlash:
Thanks to all those who offered good natured pushbacks and replies.
— Sahil Bloom (@SahilBloom) June 6, 2022
Always trying to learn, grow, and improve.
Adwait Patil
Daniel Schofield
The character: Daniel Schofield, literally some guy on Twitter
The plot: The world was minding its own business when Schonfield let out a quiet sizzler.
“People over the age of 35 (and that’s pushing it) attending music festivals don’t realise they’re ruining the vibe and weirding everyone out. you might think you’re living your best life but you’re actually living your most embarrassing life. try a real ale festival instead,” he wrote.
people over the age of 35 (and that’s pushing it) attending music festivals don’t realise they’re ruining the vibe and weirding everyone out. you might think you’re living your best life but you’re actually living your most embarrassing life. try a real ale festival instead.
— Daniel Schofield (@dannyschof81) June 3, 2022
It’s unclear what prompted this fire take. His Twitter location is a town in England, and England has a load of decent festivals. Was he at one? Who knows. It’s a pretty big hit or miss when you come at music festivals, but when you come for that 35+ millennial cohort? You’re on your own, mate.
The repercussions: The best part about fighting nobodies on Twitter is that sometimes they respond, Schofield did, and they keep the party going as long as they can.
I’m 67, and what really ruins the vibe for me is when people such as you show up.
— Grady Booch (@Grady_Booch) June 4, 2022
honestly if you're over 27 listening to music at all you should be tied to 2 dodge chargers and pulled apart in opposite directions https://t.co/6bK2K3sbLi
— dj rozwell (@dj_rozwell) June 4, 2022
can't believe he's real https://t.co/o9wgSGNEGz pic.twitter.com/IZ4k2Yh8xv
— (NOT) The Long Crab (@ShortenedCrab) June 9, 2022
I’m saying this to everyone at this Swiss music festival we’re at rn https://t.co/rtq6lJSoZu
— machinewhogivesaSHIT (@machin3gir1) June 4, 2022
Me, in 2036 at a music festival out of spite https://t.co/W0m081nJE6 pic.twitter.com/VEZ4wKRESF
— ᴇᴀɢʟᴇ (@_resounding) June 7, 2022
44 and still partying. you could never.✌️ pic.twitter.com/ckcBSuavcQ
— gus (@TheWormShepherd) June 4, 2022
the replies to this https://t.co/IBn7uC1PIH pic.twitter.com/3ZXXurygPx
— Aidan James (@mcandidate) June 4, 2022
This is how things were looking on day four:
welcome to my twitter. pic.twitter.com/0PRb693dTM
— Daniel Schofield (@dannyschof81) June 7, 2022
Adwait Patil
Monday
Hanna Rosin
The character: Hanna Rosin, author, NY Mag podcast manager, Bechdel Test administrator
The plot: Last week saw the release of the Hulu film “Fire Island,” the story of a group of queer friends vacationing at Fire Island Pines. The movie centers on queer male characters and their trials and tribulations in friendship and love.
So on Monday, presumably after having watched the movie over the weekend, author Hanna Rosin took to Twitter to announce that the film did not pass the Bechdel Test.
The Bechdel Test is a wry metric for movies wherein a movie must feature two female characters talking about something other than men in order to pass. It’s named for Alison Bechdel, an author and cartoonist, and the idea behind the test arose in Bechdel’s comic strip “Dykes to Watch Out For.” It’s since become a cultural mainstay and a means of highlighting how little representation women get in film and other art forms.
The repercussion: In addition to a lot of eye-rolling at the predictability of the Bechdel Test being referenced when you least expect it, people brought valid criticism to the idea of applying the “test” to a film featuring gay men and queer male culture, which itself hasn’t historically gotten a lot of representation in film.
There are roughly 400 movies that come out every year. It's an odd choice to Bechdel test-tweet the only one this year (in the history of cinema?) about a group of gay Asian American menhttps://t.co/JzQ8bk1Ljw
— Richard Kim (@RichardKimNYC) June 7, 2022
I know everyone is mocking ole girl for the Bechdel Test debacle and like rightly so. What’s wildest to me though is that shorty could have just… not liked the movie. She didn’t need a social justice reason. But that’s where we are now. She had to hate it feministly smh.
— Rae Sanni (@raesanni) June 8, 2022
a fun fact that i think a lot of people don't know is that the bechdel test is not a serious analytical framework but is in fact a joke from a comic strip
— largest rodent (@capybaroness) June 7, 2022
Still thinking about how perfectly the misapplication of the Bechdel test on a gay rom com represents a certain kind of exclusionary, self-serving feminism that misses the larger goal of equity for all.
— Frankie Huang 黄碧赤 🚥 (@ourobororoboruo) June 7, 2022
gay male couples do not pass the bechdel test and are inherently sexist
— taylor garron (@taylorgarron) June 7, 2022
“So I’ve received the results of your Bechdel test and I’m afraid I have bad news” pic.twitter.com/qxx7Usacua
— Tom Zohar (@TomZohar) June 7, 2022
absolutely acing the bechdel test by never shutting the fuck up
— trash jones (@jzux) June 7, 2022
F- on the bechdel test pic.twitter.com/SOG1wPq1n4
— Rose Dommu (@rosedommu) June 7, 2022
i was having a conversation with myself and failed the bechdel test :(
— E. Alex Jung (@e_alexjung) June 7, 2022
in paradise lost, god tests adam and eve’s obedience, and they fail miserably. but the poem fails an even more important test. the bechdel test
— katie kadue (@kukukadoo) June 8, 2022
None of my conversations pass the bechdel test because CHRIST is always present 😇
— Emily Murnane (@emily_murnane) June 7, 2022
sure, your movie passes the Bechdel test, but does it pass the We Bought A Zoo test? the criteria are just that your film must have two named female characters who speak to each other about something other than a man and also someone buys a zoo
— zach silberberg (@zachsilberberg) June 7, 2022
But the best part — and the perfect finale — of the conversation came when Alison Bechdel herself weighed in, granting “Fire Island” a pass on the Bechdel test:
Okay, I just added a corollary to the Bechdel test: Two men talking to each other about the female protagonist of an Alice Munro story in a screenplay structured on a Jane Austen novel = pass. #FireIsland #BechdelTest
— Alison Bechdel (@AlisonBechdel) June 8, 2022
Imagine publicly misapplying the Bechdel Test to such an extreme degree that Alison Bechdel amends the Bechdel Test https://t.co/DeVgnbI170
— Liam Stack (@liamstack) June 8, 2022
if i tweeted in such a way that led alison bechdel to log on just to add a corollary to the bechdel test i would probably start a new life, change my name, move to a new country, enter the witness protection program, etc https://t.co/hQsgBc4Lzm
— maya kosoff (@mekosoff) June 8, 2022
Rosin ended up deleting the tweet (though preserving a screenshot for integrity) and acknowledging the responses to it, and apologizing.
What I had to say was beside the point, not to mention a buzzkill on a fun summer movie. It's a cliche but the fact that I didn't see it coming means I have a lot to learn. 2/3
— Hanna Rosin (@HannaRosin) June 7, 2022
Molly Bradley
Nicolas Vereecke
The character: Nicolas Vereecke, tech guy, big-time blockchain gaming investor, small-time blockchain gaming visionary
The plot: Last week, Vereecke posted a little future-daydreaming to LinkedIn, imagining what it might be like to game in 2030. The majority of the post just describes, well, gaming — and then reveals that all of what has just been described was somehow only possible through the boons that the blockchain has brought to gaming.
absolutely dying pic.twitter.com/za0KEszTyi
— Devon 💙 (@Devon_Wiersma) June 6, 2022
The repercussion: If you’re wondering, “How is any of this fundamentally different from gaming — or, if it’s a matter of mining real, valuable currency within a game and spending hours doing so, how is this any different from work?” — well, you read my thoughts exactly, and the thoughts of a whole lot of people on both Twitter and LinkedIn.
A Blockchain-driven world of games where [checks notes] every game you play is economically motivated with social pressures and you view every game through the lens of "grind" and where you play four different games a day for months, years on end.
— Devon 💙 (@Devon_Wiersma) June 6, 2022
The Future is exciting!!
ok but what if i told you that each jump is recorded on the blockchain and earns you a unique mario NFT, which can be sold for mariocoin after a $30 transaction fee, and then converted into somewhere between .00001 and .00000000001 USD after another $30 transaction fee
— Just a Watermelon (@iamnottoph) June 7, 2022
I read this and was like haha yeah, kind of hacky satire though. Then I realized this guy thinks this is good https://t.co/mUuL3udcL2
— merritt k (@merrittk) June 7, 2022
everything is Serious Business in LinkedIn
— Raya Lucavia 🐱 (@lookabee83) June 7, 2022
...So it's a F2P mobile game, then.
— Stephen (@Gizensha) June 6, 2022
Yeah blockchain add nothing, also they imagine crypto will magically interconnect all games.
— Herzatz Fish (@HerzatzFish) June 6, 2022
Yaknow thinking more about it I think the funniest thing here is the guy being like "yeah there's this super rare item it only has a 5% drop rate" like, tell me you don't actually play video games without telling me https://t.co/lKV6y7iNC9
— wifeposting (@hovermyr) June 8, 2022
The year is 2030. It's a rainy Saturday afternoon. You're still prolly playing FF14 then and not whatever chimerical grindfest this guy has conjured. https://t.co/gySpSOa5bt
— JSH (@85Jsh) June 7, 2022
Molly Bradley
Tuesday
The New York Times / Rich People
The character: Rich people who love to turn something inherently inaccessible and classist into something cool by invoking more relatable terminology, and The New York Times, which loves to feature this kind of thing in a tone of fascination and implicit approval
The plot: Tuesday saw the publication of a NYT piece called “Caviar ‘Bumps’ Are All the Rage,” which detailed the novel new way people who can afford it are consuming fish roe, i.e. fish eggs.
Caviar bumps — in which a dollop of the fish roe is eaten (not snorted) off the back of one’s hand — have become a trendy way to consume the pricey delicacy.
— The New York Times (@nytimes) June 7, 2022
“People used to get high off of drugs. Now, we’re getting high off the food.”https://t.co/4zFaLhCMID
The repercussion: In a society that has criminalized and demonized the use of drugs (while making allowances for some drugs, depending on the type of drug, the cost, the people using it and how they’re using it), there’s no good time for the upper class to roleplay “getting high” off an inaccessibly expensive (not to mention nutritionally meaningless) food item. But right now, in a time that feels particularly fraught for a number of reasons, one being vast wealth inequality, was definitely not the time.
People (rightly) told the NYT to read the room, and also that making a big deal out of eating caviar off your hand is quite stupid, and also that this is literally not what a “bump” means.
who is the audience for this
— online nobody (@online_nobody) June 7, 2022
you lost me at "not snorted" https://t.co/nsFUoKBZt0
— Miley 🫠 (@MilesKlee) June 7, 2022
Someone’s about to learn the very real dangers of aspiration https://t.co/l2y6elnxqP
— Matt Moran Music (@mattmoran_music) June 8, 2022
No regular people are eating caviar though
— Miller Kimball (@MillerKimball1) June 7, 2022
Maybe this is what Cawthorne was talking about https://t.co/Him0myiu8w
— Josh Mankiewicz (@JoshMankiewicz) June 8, 2022
doing it all wrong by absolutely filling my sinus cavities w various types of fish eggs https://t.co/34vQ1lpZdT
— hi, i’m cory 👋🏾 (@burncoryburn) June 8, 2022
Sometimes I put a single baked bean under my tongue like an acid tab https://t.co/7ZVJryB4mp
— Joe Barton (@JoeBarton_) June 8, 2022
Burn it all down https://t.co/1QuLPdIcUL
— Kai Ryssdal (@kairyssdal) June 8, 2022
*creaky wheels of a guillotine slowly entering the stage* https://t.co/daAKBFkrAP
— Lia (@socialistsloots) June 8, 2022
https://t.co/hn7RCpoGWR pic.twitter.com/35yzF1jdbx
— eve6 ha (@Eve6) June 8, 2022
man just do the damn drugs you obnoxiously wealthy losers https://t.co/HejM76Gohy
— jes skolnik (@modernistwitch) June 7, 2022
Molly Bradley
———
Read the previous edition of our One Main Character column, which included a political party crushing on Captain Jack Sparrow and more.
Did we miss a main character from this week? Please send tips to [email protected].